When things g wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When you’re feeling low and the stress is high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When worries are getting you down a bit…
By all means pray — and you don’t quit.
Success is failure turned inside out
God’s hidden gift in the clouds of doubt.
You never can tell how close you are —
It may be near when it seems so far.
So trust in the Lord when you’re hardest hit…
It’s when things go wrong that you must not quit.
I was seriously afraid of picking up this week. A few nights ago, the thoughts I was having were so real and so intense that I was already visualizing myself sitting in a bar alone, getting plastered, forgetting everything, and giving in to this constant pull.
I hadn’t felt an obsession to drink in about three months (the obsession was finally lifted about a month into sobriety when I came to my acceptance and understanding that I was an alcoholic). However, for the first time, I’ve been getting heavily hit by this need to drink. I raised my hand during a meeting on Sunday, the part when the chair asks if anyone had the problem with the thought of a drink. And then I cried. I cried for 20 minutes in the bathroom to a woman from AA. And it was painful and I didn’t know what to do with myself. All I knew was that I was needing to drink. And that’s not okay.
I began thinking that I was a failure for having urges to drink and use… because at 4 months, I should not be thinking that way… God forbid. But what I learned was that because I AM an alcoholic, those thoughts and urges will come and go. So thankfully, I didn’t drink, I am still 4 months sober. In two more weeks, about, I will hit my 5 months of sobriety. I came very close to throwing it away. The poem above on this post was a poem on a little card that this woman from AA gave to me. She passed it on to me after a woman passed it on to her, so now I want to pass it on to all of you.