March 31, 2014

Sometimes I want to take my hand, shove it down my throat, into the heart that barely beats in captivity. I want to grab and squeeze the disease that imprisons me, barely breathing after it has sucked out my life. This is despair. Fear. Agony.

I want to rip the life from the flesh-eating disease that possesses my body. I want to fight, but then I can’t breathe and I’m tired. Please, just make it stop. I want to squeeze the life out of the disease that starves me. It’s like I’m buried alive inside of this body, screaming to get out but no one can hear because the dirt fills my mouth. Because this demon waits until I am out of breath. And when you ask, it whispers: “I’m fine.”tumblr_n3czsvNqk11twwxf2o1_500

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6 thoughts on “March 31, 2014

  1. ambivalencegirl

    I wish I didn’t, but I totally know this feeling
    took this off he side of your blog for you to remember….”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,” -Jeremiah 29:11

    Reply
  2. Jade Sweeney

    From reading some of your posts I think that we’ve probably lived very different lives up to this point, however, I can totally relate to this post. I remember a time when I felt like this – so suffocated and trapped by the beast that lived inside of me that every day was excruciating. During those times I remember a small whisper of hope encouraging me ‘just one more step, this is not forever’. Hang on to the thread of hope and faith – He will never let go xx

    Reply

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