How would you feel, if you chose to do the right thing, the healthy thing, choosing to be alive, so to speak, or even just trying something different, nourishing yourself, and the entire time all you hear is your head screaming “Stop! No more! Stop! You’re going to get fat! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! You’re ruining your body” and yet you still take the action with all those words screaming.
Then suddenly, when you constantly see your body as disgusting or even fat or chubby, and I am not talking about the women waves of “do I look fat in this? or even I feel fat today, or I’m bloated, so bloated, or I look so gross today or ugly today, I’m having a bad hair day I just can’t feel attractive or pretty.”
I’m talking about you see 24/7 this body that you just feel too fat in, and the only answer you see is to lose weight. So you do, and you feel safe and good looking in this tiny frame, teeny tiny body, low weight. Then one day, while fighting this war in your head while choosing to eat your thighs come back. Your ass comes back and you know it’s only a matter of time until your small boobs regardless of the size, after having a tiny chest, that they’re going to come back. And just one day you notice your body is thickening up, and you have a bulgy tummy all the time and it’s the one thing that was the enemy for years and years.
I know it’s not about “weight” but God, right now it is. My thighs are getting thicker, I noticed it. I see it, and it’s healthy thighs, I know. But then my butt starts popping back, and oh, all that’s next is a bigger stomach and suddenly the boobs come back. How do you deal with that? I’ve seen other women before, and I think breast are attractive, in a healthy way,some people just have nice boobs! But when it’s on you and everything feels out of proportion and then people start admiring your body when you do everything to hide it. THAT is what this is. I know there is that natural sexual attraction to a woman or a man, and that’s how people obviously get together, hook up, marry, have sex, etc. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about being a body on display while feeling so fat in the stomach. And you are just going about your business and you get this wave of tears building up but can’t come out because you’re dry inside, all dried up, and you just want to cry because you feel like your body is changing to the other side, and you just can’t stop it because you’re doing the right thing.
How would you feel if you suddenly noticed by being in control of healthy behavior, you’re control of your body, is gone.