Do not compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to who you were, who you are, and what you are becoming. You are not what you’ve done. You are unique and a creation of something bigger than any human can fathom.
Hello my fellow friends, bloggers, readers, warriors! I have been absent lately; but I decided to sign in and check in on my lovely little page, and I found that I had some messages, new followers, and kind words. I was very dedicated to this when I first got sober, and life took over, then rehab happened, and then life took over again. But, I’m happy to share that on January 1, 2014, I celebrated 2 years sober. This is so exciting.
While the first year mark is a big hoo-haaa, this year was more quiet, but meaningful. In fairness to myself and my followers, I have much to update and hopefully, I will be posting regularly once again. In the past six months, prior to my silence on here, I managed to get a new sponsor, re-work my fourth step (currently still working on this), enroll back to school to work toward my masters degree in mental health psychology (I will one day be a masters level licensed drug/alcohol counselor), have lost several sponsees, but have gained new relationships, and to date, I just recently filed a resume and cover letter for two different rehab focused job positions. I must wait and practice patience for potential interviews, so fingers crossed.
I still struggle with my anorexia and OCD. It’s weird saying those things because I have blocked off the terminology for so long because it reminds me that I have an illness I must not give up on. Recovery has ups and downs, setbacks, triumphs. And it’s okay. I’m not perfect, so far from it, but I am grateful and a work in progress.
For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
– Philippians 1:6
It’s been a very busy several months and unfortunately, I have strayed from continuing to document my progress on this road to recovery. There are so many places I could start but it seems easiest to back-track from where I am today. I’ve now been sober more than 21 months, a miracle I never saw happening. I may have forgotten how much of an alcoholic I was (still am) almost two years in. However, it is something I no longer have the freedom to choose. I cannot and will not ever be able to drink safely. And that isn’t a death sentence. Sure, it is really difficult trying to keep my brain and cravings that come up occasionally under control. It’s very difficult being a 24-year-old in this world. Everyone seems to be so focused on the next high, the next party, or the next lay. It appears that in this generation, it has become an every-day behavior to just have sex, shoot up, snort, and get plastered drunk. While I may not understand the joy in partying, I understand the pain and turmoil that was constantly a party host.
Of course, I’m human and a young adult woman, so it’s only normal to sometimes forget the truth in what goes on in parties or social gatherings today, but the thing that always needs to be on the front burner of my brain is that no good comes out of it, at least for me. I’m truly blessed that God did not allow any more destruction to happen in my life than what has and today it’s a process of acceptance. Am I able to genuinely say, ‘hey, yeah, that happened, but it’s not who I am, and God promises everything happens for the good of his people.”
Romans 8:28 – And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, who have been called according to his purpose.
Those are some encouraging words, but not necessarily the easiest to apply in times of trial or struggle. But, I am trying. I’ve managed to lose a couple sponsees, but also gain another who has hit a very deep bottom. I hope that God gives her the strength and calls her back to Him so that she may get her life back. I’m blessed to have this opportunity and if I was not sober, or even passionate about helping others, I wouldn’t be in this situation – and for that I am grateful.
So as far as my sobriety recovery goes, I’ve come to attempt to practice the reality that while yes, I am an alcoholic, that is not my identity. A wise man shared with me a few weeks ago that I no longer need to use that as my title, regardless of if I am in a meeting or not. The truth is, as said by this wise man, that my name is Brittany, and I was lost and dying as an alcoholic and drug addict, but I am in recovery and walking with God as a new creation.
Eating. Drinking. Smoking. Snorting. Weighing. Hurting. Burning. Cutting. Starving.
Purging. Praying. Stripping. Weighing. Binging. Dying.
These are words are verbs, actions. These words are not who I am, but things I have done. These things don’t make up a person or even describe a person. They are things that people DO. Why? (Read more…)
456 posts. Oh, my golly. Wow. Uh, woah! In less than eight hours, I will have one full year of clean sobriety. I have not had a drink in almost one full year. I survived my first year of alcoholism recovery. AHHHHH!!!
Tonight I am going to an AA dance with my wonderful friends from young people’s meetings and then I am sharing my story for a 4 a.m. commitment.
In addition to being sober; I can really count down every single new year to a year of SOBRIETY. That’s a miracle.
I don’t yet want to reflect on my past year – only because that entails much thought and time because of how much I have actually gone through this year.
However, I will say happy ONE YEAR BIRTHDAY to me!!!
I hope everyone has a safe and happy new year!
I have spent this past year fully anonymous, with the start of this blog and also, the journey of recovery. So with a good bye 2012 gift, I leave with this:
My name is Brittany, I am an alcoholic.
I also struggle with cross addiction, anorexia, and bulimic tendencies.
But I am recovering.
You know those moments in our lives that are just too supernatural and woah to be anything else but God? You know, those “ah-ha” moments that just don’t add up. Well, I was walking through a bookstore and there was a book title that caught my eye. No, I didn’t buy the book but I did have a thought.
All those times in our lives, those ah-ha moments are winks from God!