Tag Archives: mental health

And I have an announcement

I know I have been out of touch lately, my dear followers. As always, life happens. But, in honor of some exciting news; I’m back and ready to blog. I will most likely make some changes to my site over the next few days. For those of you who have followed me since the creation of this blog three years ago, I’ve been pretty anonymous about who I am; with the exception of my first name. Once I make this super thrilling announcement, most of my anonymity will be gone. So, I’m going to try and embrace that; and shatter stigma of my journey. Most likely, I will be creating a second blog page with who I am; my happenings and my life. I’ll still keep this blog active; for we all need a place to vent, rant, and express ourselves without judgment. So those of you who have been avid readers, please stay tuned for some updates and follow my new blog as it develops.

Now; for the great news — I’ve officially jumped on board with the creation of a non-profit organization with the mission of breaking stigma of mental illness. As a director and the vice president, I excited to share that a new non-profit organization is blossoming. Everything happened super quick; and that’s okay. I am running with it. The organization is comprised of women who have either experience their own battle with mental illness; from alcoholism and drug addiction to eating disorders and depression, or have been on the battle field as a loved one.

Talking Saves Lives is in its infant stages, but we are eager to watch it grow. Please take a few minutes to visit the main page here.

Also; follow us on Twitter: @talksaveslives or Facebook: facebook.com/talksaveslives.


Back to school

I can definitely tell I am back into school for the semester. I have my first quiz on Monday (tomorrow) and I’m really overwhelmed about it because research methods is the scariest class I’ve taken yet. I can’t wait to finish with the credits I need added on to my BA so that I can start prepping for the GREs and then get into grad school. I know I have to keep the big picture in mind that I am working toward my larger goal.

About a year and a half ago, I discovered what my passion was and what I wanted to do for a living. Originally, I had planned to take courses needed and get my license in addiction counseling. However, after thinking hard about this, I decided I needed to, for myself, go back to school and achieve my master’s degree in mental health psychology so I can get a masters level license. I also want to be able to teach adjunct courses at a college in my other degrees – communications, journalism, creative writing, and eventually psychology.

I’m waiting to hear back from one of two rehab facilities I applied at for a job, now that I have two years sober. I am just waiting and I have to find a way to manage my anxiety.

Inner Harvest: April 16

I can treat myself well, whatever the scale reports.

“How thin is thin enough? What do I have to weigh in order to be acceptable?”

“These are questions we ask when we realize we may be endangering our physical and emotional health in an attempt to conform to what we think is ideal.

Our society extols slenderness, and some of us have made it our number-one goal.

Yes, we want to be fit and attractive, but we are discovering  there is much more to life than external appearance and numbers on a scale. As we learn to eat for health, we put aside obsession with weight and allow ourselves to develop new interests.

Our program directs our attention away from weight toward the building of a rich and spiritual life. Once we commit ourselves to an appropriate food plan we can let our body make its own adjustments gradually while we get on with the rest of life. We can be kind and patient with ourselves in our progress toward recovery.

I will take care of myself today and let my food plan take care of my weight.

There were a few things that stuck out, distinctively from this daily reading. The first is that I have totally forgotten about reading my meditations for the day. Especially, my Inner Harvest readings because they are geared toward eating disorders and have practical motivational affirmations or self-directions that will move me toward recovery.

And while it’s been a bumpy month with my eating disorder, I do want to be free of it, it’s just not a quick fix. Now dealing with my trauma and my, cough cough, sexual assault (still feel off saying that), the eating disorder has become extremely active, mostly in the past week to two weeks.

I’m not proud of this, but I am human. Its hard to stop a behavior that works in the moment. But then it becomes so blurred and the next thing I know, I have immediately become obsessed with my body. Again, it IS understandable, and as my therapist would say, it makes sense.

But, it’s not an easy thing to accept that, hey, I have an eating disorder still, I’m not recovered and I’m struggling right now. Yeah, that sucks. And the tighter the grips get, the further away I become from progress.

So, I guess the first part that is difficult with this is: My name is Anonymous, and I have an eating disorder. Yeah, just check back with me tomorrow when I’m back to acting like I don’t have a problem, and that it’s just a memory of a problem.

Okay, second thing I took from this reflection is the simple fact that I totally don’t have a meal plan. I don’t have my intake planned out, and I don’t tell on myself with this. I get away with it. No bueno.

The last thing I realized is probably the positive in this post: I’d like to emphasize the part about getting on with life. As I’ve had strong moments in my eating disorder recovery, I have found that goals surface where food used to be. My entire direction for my life has changed and I’m trying to take steps to get to where I want to be. I have “dream” job ideas now, and I have desires, and hopes. And the biggest one right now, that would really make me feel oh, so good inside, is getting a new job and living in my new community.

At least now I know what I want to do with my life. The eating disorder masked that, took away my dreams and ambitions. At least I have that going for me right now. I just realize through this, though, that I have been asking myself these questions of: How thin is too thin, and when is it enough because my emotional and physical are at risk if i can’t get out of this set back.

Extreme wedding diet

I was online and I stumbled across an article that my friends shared online. I actually found it to be frustrating and tragic. In the New York Times, a women spent eight days on a feeding tube to lose weight for her wedding.

I must say, just buy a wedding dress that will fit, not one that you will have to fit into by extreme dieting and unrealistic concepts and drastic measure that could, in the end, turn into a travesty of a cluster of eating disorders.

These drastic measures, aside from yo-yo dieting and intense diets and over-workouts, are not healthy, mentally or physically. Our bodies were not meant to lose or gain weight in the matter of a week. In the re-feeding process, with recovery, it is dangerous for underweight disordered individuals to gain massive weight back all at once. It is damaging mentally and physically and can result in health risks, almost as bad as actually having the eating disorder health problems.

Additionally, it is never healthy to drop rapid weight in a week. Coming from a struggling anorexic and bulimic, but one who is in recovery and fighting for life again (and aside from some bad set backs, fighting hard), this is in no way attractive. While the sick part of my mind would think, oh what a good idea… the reality is: It’s not.

To avoid this type of behavior, carefully plan your wedding dress with YOUR size. Don’t make your size fit the dress. Wedding dresses are so beautiful, I’ve always been a fan and wanted to try them on, like prom dresses, just for the hell of it. Women look extremely gorgeous in wedding dresses, no matter what size or curves.

If you’re getting married, you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone whom you love. Why risk damaging your mental health, the possibility of jump starting an eating disorder, and possibly hurt yourself. Long term, it’s no bueno. Your lover wanted to marry you for you, not your size, don’t change it.