I remember sitting at this computer, at work, a little more than three months ago. I kept researching, Googling like a fiend, striving for answers. I looked up what my insurance covered, free treatment, cheap treatment, anything treatment. I remember feeling a heavy hole in my stomach, my eyes welling up with tears, desperate for the chance to go away and get full 24/7 help. I remember feeling hopeless and afraid, wondering what the hell it would be like to be able to go away.
It was an impossible image, something I tortured myself thinking about. I remember feeling like it was never going to happen, it couldn’t. I couldn’t leave my job… I couldn’t pay for my apartment if I did and there was no way my insurance would be good enough to cover something like that.
I was wrong. By the grace of God, I started making phone calls and within three days was admitted to an inpatient facility and later transferred to residential. I was blessed with five weeks of full treatment. How did this happen? How did I find myself flying across the country, leaving everything behind?
I told my landlord that I was giving my notice. I moved my apartment out within 48 hours, fully, with the help from my sponsor and some friends from AA. I packed my suitcase in two hours. I booked my flight the day I was admitted and arranged a place to stay the night before. My team, who was beyond supportive, encouraging and loving, helped me with transportation. I then was 100% honest with my job.
I remember crying, feeling like I was the worst person in the world, like I was screwing everyone over. I sobbed while all three of my bosses sat there while I explained that I was dying and needed to go away. I was blessed with an approved medical leave. After that, I flew out to treatment.
Now I am back at work, reflecting and remembering on my fears and hopelessness I had several months ago. It’s possible.
I returned home to only my car. Currently, I am staying with a beautiful family while I get back on my feet and start all over again.
Everyone, I am home from inpatient/residential treatment. I wish I could have blogged throughout my whole journey there, but I couldn’t so I can only write about things in chunks. I am going through the post-rehab blues. And I am trying to adjust. It is a hard week, but I am still completing my meals and completing my supplements and snacks. I’ve given up my apartment, actually right before I left. And now I am homeless, but I am staying with people week to week and I go back to work next week. Hopefully, I can manage all these feelings, because I am feeling not so great right now, however, I felt amazing coming home and now I am struggling with transition.
Hello everyone. I was fortunate to have a chance to get on a computer at a public library. All of the other adult patients here also hopped into the van–what I call “the special bus”– that is driven by a nurse or a BHT. So I had some time to give everyone a brief update:
I spent a week in inpatient treatment and then after 7 days, I was transferred to the residential treatment program. I was able to ride a horse, do a wall climb, walk a tight rope, and then enjoy (ha, yeah right) ensure plus all the time. I am working on weigh restoration and I am making more progress than I ever have in my life.
My life is blessed because of the Lord. I was baptized on July 4, the Wednesday before I flew out into treatment. I gave my my apartment, packed it up in 48 hours, and before I knew it I was “homeless” and on a plane across the country to check into treatment.
I’ve had amazing support while I have been away and met some really amazing people. I will share my entire story when I come home, but I didn’t want everyone to forget about me! I may be discharged and flying home on Thursday, but insurance may extend me.
Thanks to God, I am alive, sober (celebrated 7 months of sobriety on Aug. 1) and I am in recovery.
Best to everyone,
May I Be